Sometimes despite our best intentions, a situation can become contentious with clients or partners. If that happens, keep your cool and keep focusing on solutions. Avoid venting to a third party, which doesn’t change the situation and can disrupt office harmony.

When discussing tough issues, use “I” statements to make your thoughts and feelings known to others. “You” statements imply blame. If you are feeling a lot of strong emotion and are tempted to vent, take time to think it through and calm down before acting. Rarely will people think you acted unprofessionally if you say little or nothing.

It’s important for leaders to act and talk in a way they want their team members to emulate. Remember, attitudes are contagious!

Finally, keep in mind that others cannot control your emotions. Or as Eleanor Roosevelt once noted, “Others cannot make you feel badly without your permission.” So simply do not accept a “gift” of anger. Don’t respond in kind when someone is angry. By not accepting their anger, it remains with them.

Tom’s Takeaway: Staying cool when times get tough is the mark of a leader. Find ways to diffuse difficult situations by listening to others, choosing your words carefully, and not responding in or to anger.